“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3 ESV)
One formal leadership program advocates that every conversation with another person should start out with words that enhance or maintain that person’s self-esteem. From another perspective, Norman Vincent Peale says of self-esteem, “Think positively about yourself…ask God who made you to keep remaking you.”
Recently three things happened that made me think about the value of lifting up someone’s self-esteem. I thought about how the smallest compliment or considerate act could make one feel better, respected, and deemed by others as valuable. Sometimes we need to hear words come out of the mouths of others to build up our self-esteem, especially when we fail to think as the instructed to do in the opening verse.
Well, the first thing that happened was I received a written message and a phone call from my primary care physician. In both cases, her salutation uplifted my spirit and usurped any reason I had to be down or to focus on not being 100% healthy at the time. In here text, my doctor started out her message by typing, “Pastor King.” Later, when I received her unexpected call just to check on me, the first words that came out of her mouth were, “Pastor King.” As I said, my spirit was uplifted and to be honest, my day was much better because of her focus on my self-esteem. That’s saying something when a person in a position like the one she holds takes the time to build up another’s self-esteem. She made me feel okay, on a day where I could let feeling not okay could have easily dominated my conscious thoughts, as well as my unspoken, unrecognized , unconscious thoughts stirring around in my mind.
The second thing that happened was hearing my oldest son refer to his mother respectfully as Dr. King in a church setting. He could have just used “Mom” or “Mommy,” but he recognized her arduous work and the monetary investment associated with earning her doctorate; no easy task from an academic perspective or a financial perspective. Dr. King never said anything about it and never demands others use her earned distinctive title, but I am sure her self-esteem was elevated, if only momentarily.
The third thing that happened was at a homegoing celebration for a dear friend of mine a few weeks ago. He was known around the city for his decades of teaching Economics at the secondary level. We dubbed him with the title “Doctor,” because of his expertise and earnest dedication to educating secondary students. Holding his master’s degree and accumulating hours of additional continuing education, he deserved the honorary title of “Doctor,” and it always lifted his self-esteem when we would address him as such. But that’s not the thing that happened at his homegoing that stood out the most. It was there that I interacted with his former principal who earned her doctorate in education years ago. She is retired from the school system, but still helps young people in their development, using her acquired skills in a new and different capacity. When I recognized her, I addressed her using the term “Doctor.” Her widened smile could be easily seen, even though we were wearing pandemic face coverings. Her eye brows lifted up and her eyes lighted up. I told her I was at her graduation, and I knew her doctoral studies have benefitted others. She replied, “Go tell my husband what you just said.” Her voice resonated with happiness, clearly indicating that her self-esteem was uplifted by my greeting. By the way, I did exactly what she said.
I have told you three happenings that revealed the importance of maintaining or enhancing another’s self-esteem. We should try to do more of that in our interactions. Therefore, I challenge you to initiate three conversations today or in church tomorrow, upholding the self-esteem of three individuals. Try it! Okay? Be blessed!
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24 NIV)
Still committed to the climb,
Mark L. King