“On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two milesfrom Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask. Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” (John 11:17-23 NIV) “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35 NIV)
Today, May 20, 2023, we will have a memorial service for my younger, only sister. Her soul went home to be with the Lord on May 7th. My children, living in different states, called me more than once to ask me if I was alright. I would answer in the affirmative. I think they wanted to be sure, because even after I answered their question, they would ask again with an emphasis on the word “you,” “Are YOU alright?” I would again say. “Yes,” but was I really? I took a look at my behavior over the last several days. While I unconsciously try to present myself as a strong person of faith, able to endure whatever comes my way, an examination of myself revealed I had probably displayed sublimation. Being a former high school psychology teacher, I was well aware of this defense mechanism. It is where one reduces anxiety or stress by suppressing unacceptable urges or impulses and transforming them into productive actions or behaviors. In layperson’s terms, one stays busy, finds work to avoid feeling bad or sad, alone, or affected by circumstances.
Pastors are especially guilty of this inasmuch as we must be the ambassador of comfort and the example of faith, and the imminent example of strength, for we know, more than anyone perhaps, that everything will be alright. Perchance you have unconsciously used this defense mechanism at times, during the time of the loss of someone close, because of some other unwanted, anxiety producing type of circumstance. We could give examples of the latter, but let’s stay with the former. Let’s stay with the experience of losing a loved one.
Using sublimation, I kept working and working, performing my pastoral duties of teaching, preaching, visiting, singing with the choir, counseling, and mentoring. And when I was not using sublimation, I was unusually sleepy. I think it was some type of psychosomatic happening. Regardless if it was or not, every time that I would take a break during the day to sit on the couch for a few minutes, I would fall asleep. Yes, I was sluggish when I was not busy working. Relating it to the text, I was like Mary, staying busy at home. But I realized that if I was going to be truly alright, I had to be like both of Lazarus’ siblings, Mary and Martha. And I had to also be like the Master, not referring to His great work, not in regard to His great statement, “I am the resurrection and the life,” but in reference to the first verse we ever memorized easily from the Bible, “Jesus wept.”
Remember that when you go through a similar situation, regardless of your position in the church or in spite of how long you have been a follower of Christ, you should be like all three key figures in the text, Mary, Martha, and Jesus! Do a little sublimation like Mary, and be like Martha who was more focused on interacting with Jesus and benefitting from His words, and also, be like the Master and let your emotions come out! Go ahead and grieve! Go ahead and cry! Like me, you may attempt to convince yourself that you are perfectly alright, but I recommend that go ahead and cry, realizing it is true, we have to cry sometime. But also know that in the final analysis, Jesus will fix it, yes He will, afterwhile. And then, you will truly be alright! Again, be like all three in the text when you have to go through a time such as my family members and I are going through. Keep your faith! Keep looking to the hills, from whence commeth our help, tell Jesus about your troubles and struggles, and it will be alright in due time. To my supportive wife, my Assistant Pastor and his wife, my caring children, my loving church family, and relatives both near and far, including my 91-year- old aunt and her daughter, my cousin who came just to check on me and comfort me last Saturday, driving two hours to visit for a little over an hour, I say God bless you! I want everyone reading this to meditation this morning to know I’m alright now!
Also, be prayerful for all who are going through similar circumstances. Don’t forget church tomorrow either! I’ll be there! I’ll still be preaching the word! Shout out a sound of praise because the Lord will see us through! Be blessed!
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2 English Standard Version)
Still committed to the climb,
Mark L. King