“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV)
Surely you have been in a situation where someone shared an accurate thought from a scripture. It might have been in a class, a ministry meeting, or a conversation with another. If you have not been in such a situation, you will. Let me share a few thoughts that will help you in such times; staying in line with the opening verse, “There is a time for everything…”
There is an old key principle about maintaining and enhancing someone’s self- esteem. This tenet becomes truly useful in similar situations as the ones described in the first sentence above. You see, there is a time to commend and a time to amend. Keep that thought.
I came to this realization after noting my own tendency to immediately add to one’s statement in Bible Study class, Sunday School, or in one-on-one conversations. Instead of giving the individual who shared something that was true and beneficial, I open my mouth amend what was shared by adding to the statement instantly giving the impression that their words were not quite right. Do you think that helps one’s self-esteem? I think the answer is, “No.”
There are a couple of better approaches than amending. Commend the individual for their observation and astute realization disclosed in their statement. Take a pause. Then, after thanking the person for some illumination, ask the person to expound on what they just shared because they revealed great insight into the subject being discussed. That’s one approach. Another approach would be to say nothing at all and let the truth that was shared stand out. Later, you can use the questioning technique used by Jesus to prompt the person who made the original statement to think about it a little more and proudly, with their self-esteem still in place, they will go deeper in explaining their statement. This could provide another opportunity for a “that-a-boy” and a building up of the individual’s self-esteem.
I’m done, but first I need to tell you that recognizing a time to commend as opposed to a time to amend works in everyday conversation with others in the home, on the job, in dialogues after the big game where you provide “expert” analysis, or even in the barbershop, etc. Okay, the beauty shop and nail shop are included in the “etc.” Listen! We don’t always have to elevate ourselves, putting others down. Think about what you have read. Have a great day! For me, I have to go practice what I just preached. Smile! Be blessed!
“Let nothing be done out of strife or conceit, but in humility let each esteem the other better than himself. Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4 Modern English Version)
Committed to the climb,
Mark L. King