“Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you.” (Exodus 18: 17-19a NIV)
I can understand how you feel when it seems like someone is always criticizing you. Constant criticism can create animosity, cause one to question their self-worth, and cause tension in relationships, among other consequences. We react to constant criticism immediately, sometimes in negative ways. But here is something worth noting. Often, we confuse positive feedback or constructive criticism, presented in the most polite way, with negative feedback and criticism. The latter deflates one’s happy disposition or destroys one’s confidence. The former, referring to positive feedback, directs you towards a better, desirable outcomes. So, let’s focus on accepting positive feedback, giving it too!
I know that over the four years I have been writing, I surely have shared my experiences of doing dishes with my brother. We would alternate the tasks of washing and drying every day. This is before we figured out that it was better for our peaceful existence that we just alternated days in regard to this dishwashing chore. It was more peaceful when we changed to that format. For you see before, when I would wash, perhaps trying to finish too quickly, my brother would dry with a quality control, expert eye. If he found that a dish or a pan or a piece of silverware was not perfectly clean, he would let me know it, and put it back into the side of the sink where the washing took place. He would do it repeatedly, and usually kindly. Not a speck of uncleanliness would escape his inspecting eye. Eventually, he minimized his words and prefaced them with a shortened expression before putting the “dirty” dish back in the sink, using one single, exclamatory word, “Dirty!” He was the older brother and a high-ranking officer in his high school’s ROTC, so he was very adept in doing inspections. At the time when I experienced my “inspections,” partnering in washing dishes, honestly, I just took it as criticism, but I learned years later that it was really positive feedback to help me meet expectations and do my task in such a way that my family members would not have to eat on semi-clean or partially clean dishes. This lesson would unconsciously reach into my professional career, impacting my view on quality work. So really, I owe him thanks. If you are reading, “Thank you!
Now, again, just being honest, I apparently did not learn to the extent that I always washed every dish perfectly with a keen eye for any grime or speck of filth. Case in point: In real time nowadays, even though we have a dishwasher, after dinner at times I prefer to wash the dishes, pots, pans, forks, spoons, and knives. My wife graciously volunteers to help me by doing the drying. Her techniques are different than my concerned brother’s technique of inspecting and providing positive feedback. She does it in a different way, to produce the same results. Sometimes she will show me the unclean macro spot or the teeny-weeny micro speck before putting it back in the sink, affording me a chance to “defend” myself and sometimes she will use the technique of asking me, seeking input, involve me in the problem solving, “Will that not come off?” Like my brother, my wife is simply ensuring that I strive for perfection and achieve excellence as a dishwasher or in any distinctly different duty in life. They both had the intent of prompting me with positive feedback. They did not say it this way, but it is like they were instructed by Dr. M.L. King, Jr: “If you are going to be a dishwasher, was dishes like Picasso painted pictures. Whatever you are be the best.” I just had to learn not to be defensive or debate their findings, and try my best to deliver results as a “great dishwasher!”
Today, I’m sure that the Lord will send a message to you by the Holy Spirit, positive, Divine, feedback. The intent will be to help you get it right in God’s sight. His intent will be to provide help as you embark on living holy and of course, walking in His light. And when He speaks to your heart, know that It is not criticism and intended to arouse your emotions, anger you, avidly deflate your self-worth, or antagonize you to the point that you ignore His input in a reflex type of response. On the contrary! The Lord is merely sending a message to help you recognize that you need to keep striving for perfection, trying your best to get it right. “It” being our actions, our thoughts, and all of our interactions with others who need to see the Christ who lives in us. So make up your mind when you hear the Holy Spirit delivering Divine feedback. See it as something definitely beneficial, something that is designed to make you better. It is not criticism. It is positive feedback or constructive criticism. Moses received positive/constructive feedback from Jethro, and he responded appropriately, making things better. You and I have to do the same. Have a great day my friend! Take your feedback. Make your adjustments as deemed necessary, and move forward in faith! Be blessed!
“Let the righteous [thoughtfully] strike (correct) me—it is a kindness [done to encourage my spiritual maturity]. It is [the choicest anointing] oil on the head; Let my head not refuse [to accept and acknowledge and learn from] it… ” (Psalm 14:5 Amplified Bible.)
Still committed to the climb,
Mark L. King